A child to be loved

                                    

Before...

Just as I ponder and look back this pass one year, from the the day I stepped out in faith and followed the life to pursue what God has for me to which company he wants me to be, I see providence, I see grace, I see the goodness of God. That's when He told me, go to where I am leading you, and you'll see the power of God being manifested.

                                          

After...

As I sat there teaching the K1's the other day, I could either fret over the responsibility given to me to teach Speech & Drama in the afternoon to different levels instead of the usual way of just minding my own toddlers. But God is good that He gives me the opportunity to interact with all levels. This was something in my heart when I was still working with the babies. I applied as a toddler teacher, but I was placed to be with the babies. Sigh for a month. Just when I became comfortable, I was moved to the older infants. And when I was settled, my boss transferred me here to start the new toddler class. Change hurts, but it's for my good. And God knows best when to open the door and it's not my responsibility to open or close them. But it's our part, to seek and hear Him for the season we are in.
My project mates came over to my centre to do my assignment, they were in awe =) *Click* *Click* pictures after pictures..wow...one commented, she wants to change job. The other said, she won't mind staying late after work. I walked into my room each morning, refreshed by it =) Now that Elaine has downloaded some classical songs and piano pieces for me, I played it in the morning when my kids are having their breakfast. Mums sometimes bake cakes and muffins for us and provides snacks to my toddlers. Feels like a children's cafe. Heh. The other day, one mum boiled barley for me when she heard I was down with cold.
                                    
                                    

Current (Revamp for my assignment)

Despite all the good, there's this girl who cries all day and would drive all of us into migraine. She's been taken care by a maid and clings on to her like a security blanket. Now she does it to us. The "worse" part is she only wants me. And whenever I leave her, her cry becomes hysterical. Her whole face turns red, she lies down and stamp her feet on the ground...The softer side of me could take her but after a month, I felt the frustration. I couldn't enjoy and play with my other kids or do my work. It affected everyone and myself. Coincidentally she's from New Creation too. Her mum asked recently if this was the right place for her. My flesh wanted so much to say, maybe not. But the gracious side of me wants to accept her.
That's when the Lord showed me this...You'll become more frustrated or irritated when you push away something that you can choose to love through my grace. God could have disowned me when he look at my faults, but he remain faithful even when we were faithless. He loved us into wholeness. I would love to see the day, when she could walk free from me and enjoy her friends and comes back to me once a while for a hug like a secure child would.
Just saw this. When a child becomes insecure, she clings on hard to someone. If she chooses someone who has no love for her and pushes her away, she remains hurt and cry uncontrollably. But if she meets the one who loves her unconditionally, she receives the love, the hug, and then she is able to move away to enjoy knowing she could come back to the person anytime. Who we choose to go to in our deepest moments, very much affect how we respond to life. If Jesus could do that, by His grace I could do it too.
Another joy for the moment was when I found out that I'm going to have an adopted child in my class. The sister's a dutch who's older than him a few month. As for him, he's a chinese =) It''ll be interesting to see how things work out. Always wanted the experience of working with adopted children, and now I have first hand experience to it =)
Meaning of my child's name : Young warrior, fighter, joy, musical, pure, controls the rain, musical combination of chords, firm, strong, youthful, god has heard.
May I see them as how God sees each of us. Pure and blameless.

Moving On...

It all happened so fast, yet so clear and sure that it was a direction the Lord has led me to. It's even harder for me now to doubt His ever present leading in my life when I saw the events enfolding.
Last Sunday, someone came up to me telling me the Lord told him to tell me something. His first few lines were on, "to move out of your comfort zone". Oh ok...honestly, I didn't give much thought to it at first. Well, because of that, his 3 stories became just one. Heh...it's only during the week when I was just seeking God, I felt prompted to ask him to write down the 3 stories..
At that moment, something inside me knew somewhat what the Lord is about to tell me...
So when I read the 3 stories, the last one just confirms what I was feeling inside..

[3] (Isaiah 54:2) Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes;

God will sometimes stretch us. Stretching is not an easy time or a gd feeling. It will be out of discomfort. But his stretching is to grow us. It is an opportunity to grow. 

You are going through a time of stretching this year - with so much gg on in your life. But never forget that Jesus knows n sees what u are going thru. Be it in your work, your studies, your serving - all these things that you are doing for him. He will see to it that's its not a waste :) Whatever He calls u to do, He will always give u the grace.

Here I am feeling that this is what the Lord is telling me but I can't relate to what He was trying to tell me.

The scary part was before I went to bed, I would sometimes pick up a book just to read a few pages and this time the first book and page I flip to was on moving out of your comfort zone. I knew without a doubt that this was what the Lord was trying to tell me

"What are you waiting on before you step out of your comfort zone to obey God's calling? There is never a perfect time to step out."

The next morning, as I was checking my mail, the word Prayer of Jabez just came out of my conscience so clearly. I even remember asking myself, why would I think of his name. Heh.

I couldn't believed what happened next. It has to be God screaming at me. Heh. The first sermon I pick from in 2001, "Daughters of bold faith" and I randomly click to a section Pastor mentioned on Prayer of Jabez! This is probably the first time I listened to this sermon.

If you're wondering what his prayer were...=)

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, 'Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain.' So God granted him what he requested" (1 Chronicles 4:9-10).
If that is the Rhema word for me, I'll say it. That morning, I repeated this very verse Jabez prayed.
It so happened too that I was on MC on tues & wed, which gives me more time to seek the Lord for an answer. Know too that, when you see 'bad' happening in your life, something great is about to come. It happens most of the time simply because He is true to His Word. It's during this time too, I kept seeing the word New Beginnings.
Today, my boss came up to me during breakfast and break the news that she'll be transferring me to Buckley to set up a new toddler class. I broke in tears. She comforted me back with a warm big hug :) Even when I was walking back just now thinking about it, it still brought tears to my eyes. She's someone I draw very much from and has been a pillar of support to me.
She has shared to me before that she has always wanted me to be with her in this centre but this time she told me it would be selfish of her to hold on to me. She sees so much potential in me which this center does not allow me the freedom to do so. To be a leader and not a follower. And what I love most about her is how God always speaks to me through her. So when she said, she felt it last weekend, she prayed about it and decided to let me go. For me, it has always been to go where she decides best.
As I was walking to school this morning, I visualize myself decorating the room. When I was on mc, I felt strongly to make the class a very well known one. Little did I know, maybe what I saw was the new toddler class I'll be starting out there alone which they never ever had before for the pass 20 years since this centre was set up? I really feel very honoured and privilege."When you do it well, people will take notice...and that's how I started this infant center"...were her words to me.
I've heard many good things about this new place, it's known to be the warmest place to work in. I remember telling one of them...When the time is right, God will open the door and He really did. I had to also decide on my practicum placement within this 2 weeks and the answer is so clear now.
It still hurts and brings tears when I think of it...a place so comfortable, so safe and protected I would never want to leave...but deep inside, I know that unless I move, I'll never step out into what He has for me.
Grace IS with me =)

picture : my child featured in the preschool magazine :)