Selah

my thought have been racing around these lately..
it's easier to remain in my current job now.
it's not easy to move out of my comfort zone. my flesh is weak but my spirit is willing..
it's stepping into to the unknown.
what if I can't handle...
i'm afraid.
there's too many changes happening at the same time.
i'm scared of change but I know it's the only way to grow.
I can't sweep those feeling of fears away and that comes on me so suddenly.
when i'm feeling this way...it's a sign i've lost the sense of His love.
Perfect love cast out all fears.
Lord, bring me back to your first love. The love I had with you when I was growing up.
The times when I cried & you swept me off my feet. I'm rebuilt.
The dryness makes me tear now.
Jesus I miss those times.
Selah.

the unexpected

I would never have imagined that I would work elsewhere, in another company. I gave myself two more years so maybe i'll get the five years award. Hehe. Two days back, I signed the contract with a company I have never imagined I would go to. But there's so much life and purpose when I looked back now.
It happened from a thought. Spurred by my compulsive buying of my cheap air ticket to aust for 3 weeks in April. Afterwhich, I regretted not because i don't wish to go that long but I would have finished up my leave and i'll not get to travel anymore for the rest of the year. After going hong kong this year & staying with my toddler whom i've taken care since she was a baby..i love the place. It was like a resort=) I 'vowed' to go there once a year until they get transfer again.
There was a strong desire to change. At the same time, god was painting dreams and vision in my heart. I just felt that the season in my current place has ended. I cried when I had to tell my boss this news. I'm still not prepared to move, But I know I had to. The 3 months notice is somewhat good.
It wasn't a decision that was easy to make. I didn't want to be double minded too. But the most amazing thing happened. The day I sent out my resume, was the day my school had an off day. I went to Paper Market at Raffles City and bum into my 2 ex principal from Pat's Schoolhouse at the same time! And we were there separately. One of which was someone I highly esteem. Someone I love very much and caught much from. I've never met someone like her. She took me out for tea & shopping at Paragon the first week I started work=) Met her 4 kids & husband and eversince i'm always inspired to be like her.
She asked if I wanted to have a chat over tea. I brought out this topic. I wanted to hear from her. She is the person I would love to hear from. She gave me the 'green light'. And I know it can only be god that I bum into her.
Cut the story short. I went for 2 interviews. One I liked very much. Prayed to god to close the door which was not for me.
I got the second one. The one I feel ok. The one that I didn't have much intention to join. The one that gave me the salary I asked for. 33% more than what i'm getting and thought they'll lower but didn't. The one that people go thru few rounds of interview & have difficulty getting in but he accepted me on the first interview? And he is fine with me joining in May aft my aust trip.
Everything just went so smoothly. I hardly try.
The benefit : 35days leave, I only work till 4pm, I have an assistant in class.
What attracted me most is the number of days leave! =) I get to go home more & travel.
And hopefully to Israel next Christmas...
Every decision is a process. What seems best to me at first, may not be the best for me. I thank god he closes a door and open another which he thinks is best for me. When it's from the Lord, it'll be smooth and easy.
The joy I have now for the school I thought I'll not like is greater that the wish I have for the school I wanted. He knows best.