Monday wasn't a good day for me. My boss wanted to speak to me. She smiled all the way to her office up till her conversation with me. She gave her feedback on my performance. Correction is not something easy for most of us. Painful to the heart. Hearing your weak areas being expose just makes you feel weaker at that moment. Just when you thought you were doing fine, you fall back at the hearing of those words.
She said she'll transfer me from the babies to the 14 to 18mo toddler group. Experience comes not by the number of years you stay in that job, but how much you are being expose to. Getting an easy child to handle will not be of any challenge to me. You'll only go out of your way to help the child if he is a difficult kid. Challenge your mind each time...I sat there agreeing every word she said but felt like as though my world has fallen apart.
I love working with babies. There's just such a supernatural love found in them as compared to other age group. I was so comfortable with everything and everyone around me.
Things were so different with the toddlers. Now I understood what challenge means. They do not know what it means to fall so they climb and run as they like exposing them with a high risk of falling. They cry when they demand something from you. No more sitting down playing and feeding babies. I had to now take charge and capture their short span of attention in reading, singing, dancing and playing. They say that if I could work well with this age group, I could work well in any age group.
I then walked into the room and saw a piano before my very eyes. Wow. When she found out that I could play the piano the last time she said she'll get one for me and she really did. Haha. Happy for a moment. It was something I've always wished for - a piano in Singapore. But with it comes more responsibilities and expectations. There's also a room waiting for me to decorate. I told Pamela I suddenly felt like an octopus.
I didn't know why I just felt so down at that moment. Never had I felt this way before since I started work. I knew I had to get my Rest back. Fear just came when rest left.
But He never fail to cheer me up with His Words and gifts. I reached home receiving a call that my friend can finally give me her com which she couldn't initially. I opened up my mail to read a verse on correction. How timely.
"Whoever who learns from correction is wise" Prov 15:5 ...when we erect defences against our inadequacies and try to hide our faults from ourselves and others, we close the door to a vital source of self knowledge and therefore deny ourselves the joy of spiritual growth."
I was charged up reading that alone =)
Amazingly, I open up another devotion for the day and it's about moving out from my comfort zone, something I was sharing to my friend." It is new ground for me, and I find I am way out of my comfort zone. I am scared to death to trust Him at this level.unless we are cast into times in which we are completely at God's mercy for breakthroughs in our lives, we will never experience God's faithfulness in those areas."
And in came a msg from Joan today on the similar wave length =)..."See how God brings us to a higher level n some time later, u'll see breakthroughs in ur life u didn't even realise"
The third beautiful thing He gave me was when I was on my way to work this morning for my Saturday duty. As I was thinking about playing the piano, directly after that my eyes fell on the word piano in the first page of the book I open up. I could have teared at His love for me haha...
"I was thrilled through and through at the possibilities that were wrapped up in common folk like you and me. I heard a girl play piano. She was not over sixteen. I know something about music. We had a music department in our institution for many years. I looked into her face and whispered in my own heart, "Girl, you have spent hours pounding the keys while other girls were walking the street. While others were sleeping and mother was trying to get them out of bed, you were pounding the keys. You have lost a heap of good times, but what a musician you are!"
She kept at it. That is why she won. I was handicapped as few men have been handicapped. but I did it. Struggle to improve. In every effort improve the dream. Everytime you play that piece of piano, play it better than you are going to be more efficient than you have been. Make you brain work. It will sweat, but make it work. It will improve. It will develop until it becomes a wonder to those around you. Never depend on another man's car. Get your own car.
Be self-reliant. Be punctual. Be diligent. Think through on every problem. Conquer your difficulties as a part of the day's job. We are out int he fight and will win the crown." by E.W. Kenyon
This girl resembles Joan :) Those words spoken sound like the voice of my boss in the office that day, the words preached by Pastor in Arrow, and the advice given by my father =) Oh how I love these people in my life.
So today after work, feeling tired, having only 4 hours of sleep, I vowed to drag my feet to look for a children music score book. Where else but Kinokuniya. I enjoyed my afternoon just browsing the books, but just a little annoyed by the crowd. Joan called and said she manage to book a room in Esplanade to teach me piano and it's only $6 bucks an hour =) Pam calls her Teacher Joan. I came home happy. I think I've made very good use of my day. I think I did improved a little when I practise my piano this morning in school. I'm getting there...=)
Oh, I forgot to tell you how I felt the next day with the toddlers, I was happy =) It's our mindset that has to be renewed. My boss has her best interest at heart for me and I thank God for that. I had a revelation that it was for my good. I'm excited for the increase workload. My honeymoon period has ended, and i'm now back to reality...
(picture of darling baby Jovi at 14mo & Margaret)
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