You are still afraid to die. The fear is connected with the fear that you are not loved. Your question'Do you love me?' and your question 'Do I have to die?'are deeply connected. You asked these questions as a little child, and you are still asking them.
As you came to know that you are loved fully and unconditionally, you will also come to know that you do now have to fear death. Love is stronger than death; God's love was there for you before you were born and will be there for you after you have died.
Jesus has called you from the moment you were knitted together in your mother's womb. It is your vocation to receive and give love. But from the very beginning you have experienced the forces of death. They attacked you all through your years of growing up.
You have been faithful to your vocation even though you have often felt overwhelmed by darkness. You know now that theses dark forces will have no final power over you. They seem overwhelming, but the victory is already won. It is victory of Jesus, who has called you. He overcame for you the power of death so that you could live in freedom.
You have to claim that victory and not live as if death still controlled you. Your soul knows about the victory, but your mind and emotions have not fully accepted it. They go on struggling. In this respect you remain a person of little faith. Trust the victory and let your mind and emotions gradually be converted to the truth. You will experience new joy nd new peace as you let that truth reach every part of your being. Dont forget : victory has been won, the power of darkness no longer rule, love is stronger than death.
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